Turning the Donkey Around

By Jay Andrews · July 27, 2026

When I was studying Scripture to build the lesson A Divided Heart, it spoke to me. For most of my Christian walk there has been a battle brewing inside me between the secular music industry and my biblical obligations. Let me take you back to where it began.

I got into the music business for a simple reason: I love creating music. I started out on a Radio Shack keyboard and a boombox with two tape decks, recording my beats and then rapping over them. I was fifteen years old. I have been creating ever since, moving from that setup to what I use now, a gaming computer running Ableton Live, UAD hardware, an AKG C414 microphone, and a boatload of plugins.

I am going to skip most of my music industry experiences here, because I want to get to the heart of this post. I will probably write a fuller testimony in a later article. What I will say is this: after a life changing year in 2010 that resulted in me getting saved, I looked at the music industry differently. I saw it for what it truly is, Satan's playground.

The part of A Divided Heart that keeps sticking with me is one line under the section “What the donkey saw”: a man who is genuinely finished turns the donkey around and goes home. Have you ever written something that hit you while you were writing it? That is exactly what happened to me here.

Balaam knew exactly what God had said and why He said it. He knew God did not want him to curse the Israelites, because they were blessed. Yet deep down he still wanted to do it, because of the promise Balak had made to honor him richly and to do whatever Balaam asked. On the surface, his answer sounded right:

Good words. But did they actually reflect his heart? No. I can say that confidently because of 2 Peter 2:15-16, which tells us Balaam loved the wages of unrighteousness.

Here is the part I want you to see, because it is the whole point. God's first answer to Balaam was a flat no: “Do not go with them; you shall not curse the people, for they are blessed” (Numbers 22:12). That answer was clear. But when a richer offer showed up, Balaam went back and asked again, as if the answer might change. This time God told him, “Rise up and go with them” (Numbers 22:20). Balaam got his yes. Yet just two verses later it says, “God was angry because he was going,” and He placed an angel in the road with a drawn sword to stand against him (Numbers 22:22).

Sit with that. The permission was real, but it was not approval. God let Balaam go and do the thing his heart had already settled on, and then stood in the road against it. If you keep asking a settled question until you finally hear a yes, you have not received God's blessing. You have received His permission to prove what you already wanted. That is the difference I am talking about, and I know it because I have lived it.

I have been in Balaam's shoes. I have known for a while that making secular music was no longer resonating with me, but the possibility of a million dollar publishing deal has been within my grasp, and I kept chasing it. I went back to God several times to ask whether this was acceptable to pursue, even though He had already shown me all the ways I could lead people astray by creating this type of music. After studying this passage, here is what I believe now: yes, God allowed me to pursue this dream, but He did not approve of it. He allowed me to have success, and He also allowed me to walk through trials, because I insisted on doing things my way for years.

I have had music stolen from me. I have had friends in the industry turn their backs on me for wanting proper credit. I have watched big accomplishments fail to produce the financial outcomes I expected. And I have felt the emptiness of reaching a milestone, like a Billboard placement, only to be met immediately by that familiar question: now what? I have learned that there is a huge difference between God saying “go ahead” and God actually approving what you do. I am in a season now where I am only interested in doing the things God approves.

What I did not expect is what God did next. He did not simply take the secular music away; He changed the desire itself. He turned my desire to create music into a desire to teach through music, to help people know Him better and worship Him, and to spread the Gospel through song. The gift did not disappear. Its purpose was redeemed.

That gives me confidence, because God has always invited His people to make music for Him, and to do it well.

Scripture returns to this again and again. We are called to sing to Yahweh a new song (Psalm 96:1), to shout joyfully and break forth in song (Psalm 98:4), and to sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God (Colossians 3:16), making melody with our hearts to the Lord (Ephesians 5:19). Music was never the problem. The question was always who I was making it for.

At a recent youth camp in Honea Path, South Carolina with my church, Florence Baptist Temple, I came to realize that I have been putting off an assignment God placed on my heart: to address the Social Gospel and Black Liberation Theology in my hometown first, and then wherever He chooses to take it from there. It seems like every time I begin to really focus on anything biblical, a music opportunity appears. This time was no different.

My production partner, Jeon Sanghwan, recently brought me an incredible opportunity off the back of his own success. I explained the battle I had been fighting between music and ministry, and I told him I would be focusing solely on ministry now and stepping completely away from K-Pop. Being the great friend he is, this was his response:

“Congratulations, I'm rooting for you on your journey! I hope you faithfully fulfill the mission the Lord has prepared for you. Job 23:10: But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.”

This is why it is good to have Christian friends. That encouragement meant the world to me. So this time I can say that I chose to turn the donkey around and simply go home.

Scripture quotations are from the Legacy Standard Bible (LSB).